When going through a breakup the environment that you surround yourself in can make or break your healing process and attitude. However, sometimes mother nature makes that choice for you and decides to make it rain all week after you get broken up with half-way through a long day. It’s like even the universe knows that these past couple of weeks were garbage for me and is dead set on making sure that I don’t forget it.
Most often now we hear about the unhealthy coping mechanisms that are glorified through apps like TikTok. A prime example of this would be recording a video of you clearing Walmart out of glitter and pouring all of it into your ex’s car air vents then posting the video with a catchy sound attached to it. It might make you feel better but it won’t actually help you deal with your feelings.
I am lucky enough to still be friends with my ex due to the mutual decision that we were just on different life paths. However, that doesn’t stop me from having unhealthy coping mechanisms like eating nothing but fast food and candy this week. Oh, you also can’t forget listening to sad country breakup songs and crying in the shower but an argument could be made that those are okay coping mechanisms. They are healthier than vandalism, which I do not encourage no matter how funny those TikToks are. You also can’t get arrested for crying in the shower or eating too much Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
Everyone experiences a different grieving process because every breakup happens under different circumstances. Some people could go through a breakup and be fine a few days later, others could take months or even years to heal and move on. It really all depends on the person and the circumstances that the breakup occurred under. I have been coping by spending a lot of time out with friends and staying up late at night. This is both a healthy and unhealthy way to cope because while it’s been keeping my mind off of things I haven’t gotten around to dealing with my feelings yet.
The biggest thing to keep in mind when going through a breakup is the fact that it’s almost impossible to grow as a person if you don’t address the root causes of the breakup. You could ignore them completely but I don’t see how much growing can be done by ignoring the learning experiences that come with going through a breakup. I believe that every person you meet in life can teach you something and breakups are a perfect time to learn. For example, before this breakup I did not believe that I was the kind of person to eat my feelings. If you couldn’t already tell by the rest of this story, I now know better than to think that about myself.
I have also learned that I am bigger fan of long drives than I thought I was. I get carsick pretty easily but driving around at night and looking at the stars, when it’s not raining, has really helped me to realize that while I’m hurting right now, this pain won’t last forever.
I have also learned about being more independent as a person. When I moved to Stephenville I almost immediately started spending time with my now ex and we got into a routine where we would see each other every day. I know now that I was lonely before I met him and that I have never had to experience loneliness before then, so I didn’t know what to do. COVID-19 did not help when it came to the loneliness, it honestly gave us an excuse to become more reliant on each other because at one point we ended up quarantined together. Now that we are not together we still get dinner every once in a while, yes it was horribly awkward the first time, but I am starting to learn how to keep my mind occupied without someone else by my side at all times. Learning how to deal with the breakup blues as an adult has been the hardest part of the split. That being said it hasn’t even been a month since we broke up and I’ve stopped crying in the shower, so that’s an improvement.
The weather is an entirely different subject, all of this rain could make almost anyone sad. It doesn’t help the healing process because when it’s cold and wet outside all I want to do is curl up in bed and be sad. The best way I’ve found to combat this depressing weather is to force myself out of bed and to the school. I could have no reason to be at the school but escaping to the Engineering building or the Barry B. Thompson Student Center is much better than laying in bed all day.
Overall, take the time you need to heal from your breakups. Eat your ice cream or go out safely with friends, just make sure that you are learning something from every situation that is thrown your way.
If you need something to listen to while you cry in the shower I have created a playlist of country songs on Spotify that you can listen to at:
There are also other playlists available on Spotify for those that do not enjoy country music.