The sound of the microwave beeps echo in the empty room and a wave of excitement takes over your body. You rush into the kitchen, almost falling, and you do your happy dance as the smell of Tostino’s pizza rolls graces your nose. In that moment, as the inside out pizza treat dances across your lips, you feel like you couldn’t be any happier. You take your first and second bite, but to your dismay, your third bite is less than satisfactory. It’s cold. Despite the fact that you followed all of the cooking instructions, you are still somehow stuck with a half frozen pizza roll and an empty, unsatisfied stomach. That’s how I would describe my depression to an outsider; life seems to make sense until you’re biting into an uncooked, ice-cold snack. 

In the movies, characters seem to only experience depression after extreme traumatic situations. The main character’s vampire boyfriend runs away to protect her and she seems to spiral. However, if you’re anything like me, your depression takes over randomly in a Panda Express parking lot while you wait for your plate of chow mein. 

Although this feeling is commonly glamourized and ill-depicted, that does not change how daunting it can feel to experience a depressive episode. It’s even more daunting when you do not realize that it’s depression that you’re battling. 

It took me almost two months to realize how bad my mental health had gotten. The stress of trying to pass my welding class coupled with the weight of working two on-campus jobs all while trying to maintain a healthy social life was overwhelming and exhausting. A month passed and it became harder and harder for me to get out of bed and go to work. The mental breakdowns became more frequent and the desire to complete everyday tasks was fading. I dismissed the feelings because I didn’t understand how to interpret them. 

According to a study conducted by Nancy Schimelpfening, depression does not always have to have a “good reason.” Brain chemistry imbalances, hormones, seasonal changes and stress/trauma are all causes of depression.

As much as I would love to say that everything makes sense now and life is peaches and daisies, I still can’t seem to find a healthy balance when it comes to doing the things I love. I don’t know how to be a good friend, employee and student without having a few mental breakdowns here and there and that’s okay. College can be overwhelming at times and that’s normal. Once I realized that I couldn’t solve all of my problems by just checking things off of my to-do list, I found it much easier to manage my emotions. The key is to let the emotions run their course. 

These feelings have been expressed many times through movie characters as well. Authors can do a great job at showing the world what depression can lead to. Every time Joy tried to silence Sadness in the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out, everything seemed to get worse. Riley lost core memories, friendship and family island went out of order and she tried to run away! 

As the movie progresses, we witness Riley struggling to verbalize her emotions simply because she has been trained to be her parents’ “happy girl.” That kind of pressure can be overwhelming at times because even when you are not being told to be perfect, you feel the subconscious desire to never fail which is an unrealistic expectation to set. This same narrative is discussed in the new Disney hit Encanto. Both Luisa and Isabella feel the pressure to perform and exceed expectations on a daily basis to the point where neither of them have an identity outside of being a Madrigal. 

Unlike Riley, Luisa and Isabella, we pay $20,000 a year to have free access to an on campus counseling center.

Dealing with emotions that you don’t understand can be complicated and infuriating. Trying to suppress any uneasy emotions can also cause your mental and emotional health more damage. Don’t invalidate your own feelings. Prioritize your mental health and know that you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Take advantage of the counseling services on campus and schedule a meeting with a therapist. 

The Student Counseling Service is in the Wellness Center at 609 N. Rome Street. For more information about how to schedule an appointment with a therapist, email at [email protected] or call 254-968-9044. For after hours services, call 254-968-9044.