Death. Grief. No one wants to talk about it, but everyone is forced to deal with it. Whether it is the loss of a childhood pet, a friend or loved one, as people we face, some of us more than others. I must admit that I have dealt with death more than the average person. In my lifetime, I have lost both of my grandparents and an aunt and uncle on my father’s side, my uncle, my godmother and my great-grandmother on my mother’s side, with both of my mother’s parents passing before I was born, along with countless other family and extended family members. Before I dive into the schematics of dealing with death and offering you advice, I must admit that in the past, I haven’t dealt with grief in the most positive of ways, but I’ve learned that you cannot ignore a problem, and as painful as it sounds, you must address it, and act accordingly.

Now let’s get right to it. What is grief exactly? Grief, according to Merriam Webster, is defined as deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. The keyword is sorrow. No one wants to intentionally feel sad and mope around in their feelings, but that’s just what happens to you when you lose someone you cared about. You sometimes cry, lash out at others because you cannot communicate your feelings.

Others sometime go about it the complete opposite way, by bottling all of the feelings they have up, feeling that they cannot talk to anyone about what is going on, and eventually “blow up” when someone hits the wrong nerve. I strongly urge you against the latter. Never feel like you cannot talk to anyone to help you communicate through your grief. There is no set way or path to completely deliver you from sadness, but you must first acknowledge it.

Death is never easy, and it isn’t meant to be easy. Death is around to show us that life is valuable and uncertain. It reminds us that we’re human.

Here are some myths and facts about grief according to the Center for Grief and Healing:

MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

MYTH: Grief should last about a year.

Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.

Now in the unfortunate next time you are faced with grief, I just want you to keep in mind one thing. That is, once you deal with a loss, the pain will eventually fade, but never go away. There will be some hard days and some easy days and some when you won’t want to get out of bed and deal with life, but you have to push yourself and be as strong as you can, knowing that person is no longer suffering. You have to want to live for yourself and others. Just as Professor Snape did for Lily Potter