When we think about domestic violence, many of us probably have a similar idea or image pop in our head that goes something like this: you see a couple, there’s an argument, it escalates and one person becomes physically violent towards the other. Probably for many folks, they envision a heterosexual couple. While that is not an inaccurate depiction of domestic violence, it is a rather narrow understanding of it. Domestic violence is a very complex form of violence that plays out in many different kinds of relationships. If you haven’t experienced it – or if you don’t recognize that you’ve experienced it – it can be difficult to understand and it can also be difficult to explain.

As a starting point, let’s talk about what the phrase “domestic violence” (here on referred to as DV) means. Sometimes DV is called intimate partner violence, dating violence, relationship or family violence. Legal definitions vary from state to state. Some cities even have legal ordinances addressing this form of violence. Different organizations define this type of abuse in different ways. In Tarleton’s Student Code of Conduct, it’s referred to as Intimate Partner / Relationship Violence.

A fairly comprehensive definition is offered by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.

It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.

You’ll notice the use of the terms “power and control” in this definition. That’s a key piece of DV. Many people believe DV is a consequence of one person’s anger. While anger is certainly one dynamic that is present in most DV situations, it’s not the root cause. Everyone gets angry, but not every angry person becomes violent. Further, people who are violent in their intimate relationships are rarely violent in other areas of their lives. They don’t become violent when they get angry at work, at school, at church, in their organizations, etc. That’s because they are capable of controlling their anger, and if they can control it in those contexts, they can control it with their partner. Violence in a relationship stems from one person’s desire to exert power and control over the other.

DV crosses all boundaries – racial boundaries, socio-economic boundaries, sex, gender, gender-expressions, religious backgrounds, etc. It doesn’t really matter how you categorize people, you will unfortunately find DV in every group. Further, DV is more than just the extreme physical violence we sometimes read about in the headlines. Domestic violence typically begins with very subtle behaviors that escalate over time. It also encompasses different types of abuse. Keep reading next week to learn more about the early warning signs and different forms of behaviors involved in DV.